Magic wand review
Extremely good for orgasm torture.
Extremely numbing for later orgasms via any other means.
Love and horny rainy days, Jordie
Extremely good for orgasm torture.
Extremely numbing for later orgasms via any other means.
Love and horny rainy days, Jordie
Somehow ended up in a “discussion” with my mother about whether she would be like someone who was into BDSM.
(Somehow is that I brought her Sexed up: How society sexualizes us and how we can fight back by Julia Serano and told her to read “Chapter 10: Fantasies and Hierarchies” so we could discuss. Whoops.)
“I just think that aspect of their personality wouldn’t be isolated and it would permeate the rest of the life,” she said. “And that’s not someone I would want to be friends with.”
Jokes on you, Mom.
I brought her the book because a) she said that people who are into BDSM are mentally ill and have something wrong with them last time this came up (accidentally that time), and b) we’ve been having a hard time talking to each other about topics and I hoped that having a third party text to center our discussion on might make the convo feel less adversarial.
“Can we not have this conversation? I don’t care about this at all,” said Dad. Yeah, for sure. I don’t want to have this convo with you.
“Can’t you just explain it instead of me having to read it?” And so I tried, and she shook her head and disagreed every two seconds.
Her disagreements seem to be focused on what she thinks it would be like for her to try BDSM. No matter how I try to frame the scenario, to try to get her to imagine being someone else, she is like, “But that’s not how I want to relate with someone I love.”
I KNOW, MOM. JESUS H. CHRIST.
She was baseline against looking at the idea of BDSM from an abstract, philosophical stance. She only looked at it through her own lens.
I fundamentally do not understand that. There is so much more to learn than you can perceive alone, and so many more ways to expand your knowledge by considering what other people might think and prefer and why.
She was hooked on a single narrative and, despite my quoting evidence (MULTIPLE ACADEMIC STUDIES) participate in BDSM besides selfish, hateful, shameful, or self-harming reasons, she said, “Well, how truthful are people on surveys like that?”
She basically copped to thinking most anthro/soc/psych research is crap… which, to be fair, it’s not perfect. But I was planning to do research in those areas last year and she never mentioned!?
Bizarre.
I think I underestimate how much my desire to learn drives my whole perspective on life.
See, Mom? I like to get hit (during sex or not during sex) because it is pleasurable and I learn something from trying all the new things. Not because I was assaulted as a child, am anti-feminist, or am an inherently unpleasant person.
My friend suggested not bringing this up again because last time what my mom said really hurt. But I feel certain in my position and, recently, have been able to disregard my mother’s opinion when I disagree strongly.
I am turning the corner from one era of my life to another. I used to look to my mother for advice in all areas. Now, I know I am more of an expert in some. Usually, because I am willing to learn and learn and learn with an open mind.
I don’t want her to agree with me. I just want her to discuss the new ideas openly or at least reason about things on a philosophical level.
Love and don’t talk to your mom about kink, Jordie
My friend works at a bookstore and she didn’t tell me they had a copy of Burn it down! Feminist manifestos for the revolution. What kind of a friend is that?
I read the intro and my next order of business will be SCUM Manifesto. I’m hoping Females might make more sense after.
Shouldn’t I be writing this when I’ve actually read it and have something interesting to say?
Yeah.
I’m avoiding grading.
I have a stack of assignments and test correction five times as tall as Burn It Down!, which is what I really wish I could do to the grading pile.
I’m staring at them both and wishing I wasn’t about to make myself do the grading.
Love and avoidance (again), Jordie
There’s an essay I want to read by Mark Greif called “Against exercise” that’s part of his book Against Everything.
Originally, I heard there was an essay in the book about pornography, which was why I wanted to read it. But now I think there is fruitful composting to be done with his treatise against exercise vs. my re-discovery that exercise actually does make me feel better in every way.
How annoying!
What does Mark advocate instead? Or is it one of those “just be against everything and have nothing to add” shindigs?
TBR, with love, Jordie
In Females, Andrea Long Chu suggests Valerie Solanas, author of SCUM Manifesto, “would have approved of hormone therapy” (p. 55). It surprises me that she doesn’t also mention that Valerie would approve of sissy porn! Especially since Andrea spends many pages on the topic.
”SCUM Manifesto alludes, positively, to a futuristic world where men are transformed into women ‘by means of operations on the brain and nervous system’” (p. 55).
Sissy hypno porn involves subjecting yourself to being brainwashed to act out traditionally feminine gender roles. Of course, in Andrea’s schematic, it’s acting “female.”
In Valerie’s conflicting schematic, it’s acting extremely “male.” So sissy hypno porn wouldn’t transform men into women but it would be a stop-over tool on her mission to eradicate men. Distract them with videos that allow them to fantasize being women and then when they are impotently consumed by the addictive pornography, cut them up.
Anyways, I think it’s about time I actually read SCUM Manifesto because Valerie freaks me out a bit. And I’m intrigued.
Love and don’t actually cut up the men I think, Jordie
“Internet Porn” is a chapter from Emily Witt’s 2016 book, Future Sex. I skipped straight over chapters “Expectations,” “Internet dating,” and “Orgasmic meditation” to get to the juicy stuff.
Andrea Long Chu’s chapter on sissy porn in Females has sent me scurrying to my TBR list for any mention of porn. Future Sex is my first stop on a perusal of feminist writings on porn.
And I don’t get it. The essay was primarily filled with “neutral,” journalistic, and sterile observation of porn performances. And there was the sudden but unsurprising reveal that the author thinks porn is ick… followed by the sudden and surprising reveal that she did watch porn after all. And, in fact, that she found some measure of liberation, autonomy, and self-knowledge by its consumption.
This is a woman who got to witness first-hand one of my favorite all-time porns, and she is mute and flaccid in the scene. The writing says, “Wow, look at how freaky this is – can you believe I got to see it, and can you believe that I’m not being judgmental?”
The moments of self-reflection shone amidst lame-ass descriptions of fantastical moments in porn.
“I had once thought of porn as a male-dominated force that standardized sexual expectations, and that it therefore imposed its will on my sexuality, but I saw that porn defied standardization” (p. 102). #Glitch, anyone? See also:
”Porn united all the possibilities, including the ones we didn’t want to have” (p. 72).
After seeing how specific some fetishes are, Emily writes, “In looking through all this I found unexpected reassurance that somebody will always want to have sex with me.” (I have also had this feeling after getting deep into porn, although the diversity of bodies represented is much greater in kinkier videos compared to the more mainstream categories of “blowjobs” or “hot coeds.”
Witt also fails to discuss the lack of racial diversity and the major ick factor of how Black women and other brown women are cast as exotic conquests.
How does the fact of their race and the history of oppressing and raping Black women come into play when Black and brown women play the same roles of being gangbanged, in bondage, and the like? I will need to go to another author for that investigation.
Emily’s most intriguing observation: “Porn made by women tended to be a little more bizarre” (p. 103). I love that! Why do you think, Emily? Do you have any hypotheses? Did you do a statistical analysis to investigate this observation? Do any of the porn actors you interviewed agree?
Another intriguing concept that got a drive-by mention but no depth: I did not want to be turned on by sex that was not the kind of sex I wanted to have” (p. 101). Ooooooooooh. Relatable! Fantasy does not have to be something you want to realize! Dr. Doe’s YouTube channel taught me that when I was in college, and it’s something I would love to read more about.
Emily almost ends with a direct assessment of what she learned from watching porn:
”Porn taught me that the feminine expression of sexuality ddi not have to be a dildo in the shape of a dolphin to shed the vestiges of the patriarchy. It gave me an internal answer to the accusation of false consciousness that accompanied so much expression of sexuality by a woman. I knew I wasn’t trying to inhabit the masculine if the force that guided my sexual decisions came from a physical feeling in my body. Figuring out what I liked in porn was like having my fortune told. It wasn’t real, but it offered orientation” (p. 106-107).
Instead, she adds yet another disassociated description of a Princess Donna scene where a woman dressed like a baby doll is gangbanged by mute pandas. Emily’s final note: Look at the crazy shit going on in porn world.
It’s entirely likely I’m missing the nuance in her writing, but I would rather read about kink and porn from someone on the inside of those communities.
Love and porn that’s good for the soul, Jordie
So I have this plot.
I’m going to read a bunch of manifestos, write my own, and document and reflect on the modern manifesto, the genre, and question its place in communication.
Glitch Feminism was the first in a series of manifestos I collected (or dug out of my TBR pile) after reading Females.
And it was a bit exhausting to read. Author Legacy Russell starts off so strong, especially in her writing. The first chapters, most of my notes are just underlining her verbs and turns of phrase: “subversion … via digital remix,” “unconsented visibility,” “aggressively contingent,” “rupture,” “indecipherable,” “nonperformance,” “fantastic failure,” “fissure,” “failure to function,” “calculated failure,” “occupation of the digital,” “machinic mutiny,” “positive irregularities,” “rebellion against the binary body,” and “glitch.”
Some of her phrasing I recognized from my study of critical theory via the Harry Potter podcast, Witch Please. (Yes, it actually does teach you theory, plus the hosts have great banter.) They have weighted, studied, and theorized meanings.
Legacy doesn’t often write out these theory-based definitions, but she does define “glitch”… over and over and over again.
The structure of the manifesto is twelve chapters describing different characteristics or traits of a glitch. Throughout, “glitch” is interchangeably a verb, a noun, and a modifier of “feminism.”
“Glitch” is a future-focused conceptualization of how identity, and especially gender identity, is formed and created.
One core of the author’s definition is a stance against all binaries and a demand to fuck with systems that rely on binaries. That includes pretty much every facet of our society, since the gender binary is baked into nearly every aspect.
I fundamentally agree with and appreciate Legacy’s take on the many modes of “glitching” that the internet uniquely enables.
Still, about halfway through, I got tired reading about more and more innovative artists. Although their works are good models for how we might complicate our binary world, I wish Legacy had offered more guidance about how the reader might try glitching themselves.
Inherent in the idea of glitching is the fact that Legacy could never instruct the reader on how to glitch. It is a singular process that each individual takes to self-define over and over. (Ideally, in community with other glitchers and even with the larger still-binary community at times.)
Legacy’s most compelling later-chapter idea was that of existing inbetween – in tears, cuts, and wounds to the fabric of the current binary, limiting status quo. I’m much more curious about how we might know when we are inbetween rather than upholding existing modes of oppressive limitation.
This may be a me problem. I am realizing recently how challenging it is for me to identify what I really want moment-to-moment. So maybe other people don’t need tools to identify where they are. Or don’t want to know exactly where they are.
This concept of living not just in a different future world but in the crack between possible worlds is compelling but difficult for my mind to translate into reality (online or AFK).
Glitch Feminism does acknowledge the tension between breaking apart the world and existing in the world. The desire to be both creative from within and without the existing paradigms might be met in those cracks that are both of and opposite to the current power structures.
I also may be undereducated for the text. I am not as familiar with the concept of “problematizing” a text as I would like. Nor do I have the same emotional or cultural knowledge as Legacy, a queer Black woman.
I expect a manifesto to instruct. Glitch Feminism points you down a path but the path branches in every possible direction.
Although you could take that as any path is a good path, I don’t believe that and I doubt Legacy does, either. There are clear wrongs, even within the fantastical world of glitching. Glitching is fundamentally a stance against certain values. It is anti-conformity, anti-oppression, pro-choice, and pro-fucking with systems of power.
For me, the instructions I read are: – Write your zine, bitch! – Put stickers for radical causes in public places. – Keep writing. – Don’t define yrself or choose any action based on external powers. That means composting the binary bullshit and other societal inputs into something you can be proud of and feel at home with. – Change every day. – Embrace your restlessness and expansiveness. – “Both and” every situation
Love and Walt Whitman is problematic but a fave, Jordie
Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.) – Walt Whitman
Glitch Feminism is challenging me.
A core desire of mine has been to be legible and recognized – seen and appreciated – for exactly as I am.
It is part of why I catalog and document and overshare my entire life. I’m hoping to find a kindred soul who sees and appreciates all of me, even as I change.
Author Legacy Russell is trying to convince me to embrace illegibility. Unreadable, I can create new worlds and selves and creative possibilities outside of the normative heterobinary world, she says.
In her chapter on naming, she explains that naming confines and limits by categorizing you:
“The body is a text: every time we define ourselves, we choose definitions—names—that reduce the ways our bodies can be read” (p. 73).
But she also says that “it is our self-definition that manifests the stitch, begins the process of healing” (p. 78).
(The stitch is, as defined by micha cardenas, “an operation that involves using one entity to connect two formerly separate entitites,” (p. 78).)
The “glitch” in this case is the continual creation of new names, new identities, that break expectations of a singular body. Instead, we contain multitudes.
I have several names, including Jordie. I have a name I use in the kink scene, which I chose in order to have something to be called within scene by one of my partners. My given name, which I walk through the world with most of the time, didn’t allow space for my submission and playful resistance to him.
My scene name isn’t a tool just for separating myself into different pieces – it is a life I always live, even when I am called my given name. I am both at the same time.
As a teacher, I am called by my last name, which is also a new name for me. And it creates a space for me to be a new person under that name.
Legacy is challenging me to change my goal: embrace my multitudes and glitching selves, instead of hoping for a world where I could use one name and be all my selves under that single moniker. Don’t feel embarrassed at the many blogs I have started under different names, at the different ways I sign journal entries or emails or reddit posts.
Instead, be all of them and imagine a future where I discover even more names for myself, new ways of being and the titles that fit my choices to break into those new selves.
Love and glitches, Jordie(???)
I hit my cranky point early today. I had early therapy and am feeling drained. I was trying to confront the fact that I probably do actually have an agenda in conversations when I think I’m just having an open discussion. I’m attached to the other person agree with me or at least acknowledging the legitimacy of my points. That’s not actually in my control, though.
Probably also something to do with it being Wednesday, and having not eaten a proper lunch. I’m piecing one together with snacks, but I can already feel the urgent desire to rush straight from school to Chick-fil-a or Wendys or Cookout.
I don’t have much to say, but I couldn’t get my brain to focus on anything else.
Love and temple headaches that are not migraines hopefully, Jordie
The majority of the references on the Wikipedia page on the Upanishads are Western white dudes. Unfortunate.
One of the people cited is Max Muller, who wrote that the Upanishads are, “in the true sense of the word, guesses at truth, frequently contradicting each other, yet all tending in one direction.”
Regardless of the sketchiness of wikipedia, and the many levels of wiki philosophy entries that led me to reading about the Upanishads, that seems like a nice goal for my own understanding of the world and my own writing collections for that matter.
I’m not trying KNOW the Truth, just gesture at it and uncover interesting features of it.
From my understanding of the Kantian transcendental idealism I was reading this evening, it’s not possible to know the true thing-as-itself of any object. Presumably this excludes the possibility of actually understanding what is true. So the Upanishads’ guesses at the truth is about as honest and accurate as you can get in these limited little flesh sacks.
Love and I might be a lil drunk, Jordie