Knowledge runs down.

Now that I am not so stressed about productivity for its own sake, I am discovering and re-discovering creative pursuits I dropped in childhood.

Productivity, or its dear friend, perfectionism.

I used crocheting two years ago as a deliberate exposure therapy to imperfection. And now, with a much decreased perfectionism hump to get over, I can explore sketching, knitting, zine layout and design, and even writing with less anxiety.

Writing is the stickiest of foes. I consider myself a good writer, so my ahamkara (ego) gets in the way more. I have more at stake when I write.

This blog is a stab at defeating that ego, and is one in a line of many similar attempts. It feels less inhibited by quality concerns, however.

Partially, it’s the anonymity. And greater confidence that my creative process and voice might be a little shitty or even annoying sometimes, but I’m good with that. I’m annoying in my own special way, which makes it ART, MOTHERFUCKERS.

My father said his new year’s resolution was to try to get better at sketching and drawing. I have a vague childhood memory of his sketchbooks lying around. But I haven’t seen him try in ages.

It inspired me! I went to my artist friend’s house and she gave me a massive posterboard and graphite pencil and a website to look at for reference.

I did okay! More importantly, it waas deeply absorbing and enjoyable. I love human bodies and I spent a good hour or two yesterday examining a wide variety of bodies very, very closely.

I know that there are established processes to learning to figure draw. However. I am kind of enamored with my own errors. I draw legs too big. But that can be my style!

My partner and I had sex yesterday morning that made me want to create an animation of it. I wrote some notes down, then thought, I should probably learn how to sketch a bit. And that’s when I went to my friend’s house.

At Michael’s late last night, I got a sketchbook and pencils of my own and came home and promptly ignored my partner for another hour or two of drawing.

Today, I need to do some teacher training work and I am avoiding it thus far by setting up my bullet journal for January. My reflection on December was very positive and self-loving. I’m proud of that progress.

It’s what’s letting me learn new things again.

I crochet, but I also got knitting needles at Michael’s. We watched TV and I tried to get past casting on and utterly lost the thread (literally).

How do you keep tension with two needles jabbing everywhere!?

This afternoon, I am going back to artist friend’s house. She is bartering her knitting wisdom for my bullet journal wisdom.

Exchanging physical skills and goods feels magical when my writing is online, and so much of my teacher preparation and training is also so intangible.

Love and barter with your local witch, Jordie